Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
