im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
