just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
pray to the hookup gods
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
