I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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