You really coming over, don't trick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
