so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
