Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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