i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
