Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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