but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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