Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
