dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
