so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
