Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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