he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
