woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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