we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
