I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
