Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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