im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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