Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
