We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
