ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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