This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
