It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
my poor anus
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
