I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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