I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
