As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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