When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
