and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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