I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
