He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My room smells like vodka and shame
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize