I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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