Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
