I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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