During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
