i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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