she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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