we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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