so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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