At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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