the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
