Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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