I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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