So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
