She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
