i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
