I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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