Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
