lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
