what day is it and did you see me today?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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