take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
