your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
