The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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