So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
