It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
