Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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