the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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