This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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