Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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