Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My cat gives me a boner
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
