So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize