chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
