did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think your dad took our porno
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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