omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
