Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
