The maid of honor just puked.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
