I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
