Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
