how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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