his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
