I think im going to throw up on grandma
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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