We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
