my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
