Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
